Wanting More - a poem

it's a puzzle
and there is a piece
that lays missing
a quiet shard
that never allows its full healing

you can pretend
so others won't see
becuz who would ever really understand.

what it's really like
to never feel well
to have to battle
and yet accept all at the same time

to wish and wish
only to be pressed down
to not having the strength
to wish at all

it's not cancer
it's not death
it's not visible

its stealth like quietness
steals your life
inch by inch
your only 'choice'
is surrender to it
to not go crazy

people who do know
- don't really know
it's almost like they've forgotten
how much a struggle this is
who would want to think about someone they love
in this much suffering

so you numb yourself
caffeinate your exhausted body so you can function
force yourself not think about the 'symptoms'
becuz there's no real name for it...

no cure...
only shrugs, and silence
making you be the one
to have to endure

but don't complain
who wants that
don't look outside
at everyone running around
effortlessly

don't look back
at all that you've lost
sure grieve
- privately
but you'll get better in time..
right...?

think positively
push yourself
collapse in the shadows

when all you want is to feel health
to walk and not be leadened down
to think and not muddle through fog to get the thoughts out
to dance, sweat, feel your heart pound.
to work, earn a paycheck, build a life
to sleep and awaken refreshed.

to feel normal
what is that like....
after 8 yrs i no longer remember.

so what do you do now?
you still have days
where getting out of bed is like climbing a mountain
and the good day is a whisper of who you once were

accept that.
except that....
I want more......


My friend and fellow M.E. sufferer, Shannon, wrote this poem and she was willing to have me share it here. I think it is a poingnent, insightful peice about the loss and longing that is part and parcel of having M.E.