Hard Times

My mother went into the hospital about ten days ago.

I had to travel south to come help my parents as they have very few people to rely on.  Doing this while sick is so difficult that at present, I am doing very little more than trying to get through each moment.  I'm sure at some point I might write about it, but am not ready yet.

My mother is out of the hospital after 8 days (she had double pneumonia), but the prognosis is not good.  While we are getting various services in to help (palliative care, meals on wheels, and some home care), there is a certain amount of care that is falling to me, which is ironic, in that I am sick enough that I need a certain amount of care myself at home.  Not to mention my dad's memory and confusion problems need monitoring.

My mother is in end-stage COPD, however, this could mean a couple months or maybe even a year.  Once she got home and the palliative Dr. visited her here, she was a little more optimistic about life expectancy (she told me in the hospital she suspected a couple months).  However, it is still palliative (or end-of-life) care from here on out.

Throughout her time in the hospital, and setting up for her to come home, I was the one that everything was co-ordinated through.  There were moments I wished I were the one who was dying, I felt too ill to go on.

I guess on the positive, I've been able to leave the stinky sewer house behind (yes the sewer is still blocked, I have very little faith anything will change in that regard despite the fact that someone is technically "working" on it).

I very much miss my dog as well, although have not managed to find a way to get her down here.  None of the airlines will fly her cargo.  So that's my update, but don't expect anything else for a long while.

Crashed beyond belief.

First, let me say I am writing this post at my sickest time of day (mid afternoon) having done more this past weekend than I have in ages.  I'm not going to go into major details, but it involved outings on both Friday night and Sunday morning.  While I had rides for both, and the "active" part in total amounted to less than 2 min, for someone with  moderate M.E., and moderate POTS, two, four-hour outings in three days is an awful lot.

So two days later I'm in a super crash/relapse.  I feel extremely ill, as if every cell in my body has been poisoned. It hurts so much to breathe, my leg muscles are super weak, my throat and lymph nodes achy and sore….and I'm light headed.  I feel so sick, that it's hard to believe that I'm not dead or at the very least, dying.  In fact, I'm almost praying for it, so this will end.  And it's my own fault for over-doing it to participate in something I really wanted to do.  And I regret it now….but hopefully won't regret it a month from now, that's the hope.

Five weeks into the sewer saga and the sewer is still blocked. Half the front yard is excavated and there is more to come.  They have yet to actually find the sewer (due to a company who came in and mis-located it but refuses to come back and redo the locate), and I have absolutely nothing left energy-wise to take any kind of initiative.  In fact, I think when I'm well enough to travel, I'm going to go stay with a friend. Without properly working plumbing, (along with five days and counting with an upset stomach), things are getting pretty awful.

I do think we will eventually have plumbing again, it's just turning out to be a pretty major ordeal, especially when an ill person is managing/coordinating the repairs.