Small Accomplishments and more Snow!!!

As I've mentioned before, north is all relative.  I live further north than most of the population of Ontario, on the other hand, I live only around the middle of Ontario geographically. I've experienced many years with winters that are five months long, but I can pretty safely say, this one has been the snowiest yet.  

I feel so horrible every time it snows knowing my roommate has to go out again to shovel, and try to find somewhere to put it all.  She says she doesn't mind. Honestly, it was pretty fun to go out yesterday and just look at the crazy amounts of snowfall and take photos.  (I also shovelled the little front stoop myself).

I also worry about the roof leaking again this spring with the ice damns that are forming, not to mention one corner of the basement that flows with water every spring.  I try not to fixate on these things, there's not much I can do about them right now.  I try instead to focus on how lucky I am to have help here, otherwise my occasional outings would be non-existent.  My car and house would be buried in meters of snow. Not to mention the fact that I'd probably see a human face only once every couple weeks.

On another note, it's very exciting, I finished a draft of my research proposal which means it's time for a break while my committee members read it.  I intend to rest and do some art over the next couple weeks. I feel so blocked creatively, though, that art might be tough.  I don't know why, but I think it's just because I've been so focused on writing and editing every day.

As for my health, overall, it's actually been a decent couple weeks. In fact, sitting at home one day watching Olympics, I was thinking "this is my best spell in a long while".  I did try to go to a shop to buy some plastic one day, and I was so light headed and dizzy and ill, my illusions about having improved disappeared pretty quickly.

The truth of the matter, is that if I just stay home and do very little physically and spend my days laying around, I don't always feel horrible.  But as soon as I attempt some activity, I am wiped, and I realize how limited I am.

Even having friends visit for 36 hrs a couple weeks ago (we lounged around all day watching Olympics and ordered in food), I was still crashed for 2 days afterwards --- immune system flaring.

This illness really does get old doesn't it?  If I don't expect anything out of my life or myself I can limit my suffering to a degree (if I don't catch an infection).  But as soon as I have a desire or hope to do something (even small), I slam up against the limitations of my body (weakness, dizziness, malaise, exhaustion, flu symptoms etc.).

I HATE M.E…..it's a spirit crushing, isolating, dream killing, life sucker.

Lots of snow!

After weeks without snowfall (probably because it's been too cold), we got dumped on.  I went out during the storm (around 20 cm and high winds) to take a few photos and just feel the elements.

The snow accumulation here is getting pretty out of hand.  My roommate/friend has nowhere left to put the snow.  Imagine having to throw snow on a pile that is taller than you are.

The roof may need shovelling too (as you can see in the photos).  We are supposed to get more snow this week!  We don't need a cave in.

I am finally making progress on my research proposal.  It has taken weeks longer (already) than I thought it would take to edit it.  There is still another week to go (at least).  Then I will take a week off, and if I am up to it, DO ART!!!!!

There is a saying that writing is like sweating blood, and I really understand that saying lately as I struggle to make my proposal readable.  It's challenging as I am amalgamating years of reading (research articles), synthesizing the content and even more difficult, attempting to build a coherent argument for why my study/research is pertinent.

Anyways, I will bore you no longer.  Here are some photos of the storm. Notice the dog isn't too happy with the blowy snowy day.

A Short Outing

I was lucky enough to get outside for a short outing recently.  They plowed the parking lot of my favourite local park.  Late afternoon when the shadows were long and the sun was low in the sky, Teagan and I had ourselves a gentle walk. Here are a few photos.

Nothing much new going on.  I'm still spending my time each morning working: rewriting, editing.  The process is achingly slow.

Health wise, I've had two of my worst days in recent memory, but some days have been fine…meaning sick, but not unbearable.  Still, I've been mostly homebound, (which is pretty normal).  I spend most my time reclined in bed, on the couch or in my recliner and less than an hour a week out of the house most weeks.  Sometimes I'm at peace with it, sometimes I get pretty lonely and feel some level of despair about my life.  And so it goes...

golden light on the trees

very wintery looking sun

Cold enough (-20) for a frosty dog beard

looking up the creek/river