Sadly, my mom passed away on Dec. 2nd early in the morning. Earlier this same week I started to crash/relapse really badly so while I spent a lot of time with her at the palliative floor, I missed seeing her on Tuesday (but we did talk twice on the phone). It is a very very sad time for me. Also very difficult because we need to find a good place for my dad to live as he can't cope alone anymore and I am not willing to move in with him for many reasons, health being one of them.
However, while I don't want to write tons of personal struggles and details here, I will say, mixed in with this horrible sad emptiness because I just lost my mom, is gratefulness that I had this time with her. Being around these last months of her life, caring for her, spending time with her, telling her I loved her every day, doing lots and lots for her (mostly little things)…it was a really good thing to do. I don't mean "good" as in I'm a good person, more that it was so nice to be there for her, care for her, spend that time together. I can't see ever regretting it.
For those who haven't done it, it takes a huge amount of toughness/courage to be by someone as they are dying. Watching and helping my mom when she was in delirium, confused, helping her with bathroom stuff (while blacking out with my own POTS symptoms), while all hard, I don't regret it. My long winded point is while I wasn't able to care for her these last 5 weeks at her home as she would have wanted, I was still able to spend lots of time with her and give her care and company in the hospital too. If you ever have the chance to "be there" for a loved one who is dying, based on my experience (which was excruciating while ill) I still recommend it.
