Riding the waves or not?

I guess one of the hardest parts of managing this PhD course is not knowing whether or not to ride the waves?

For example, if I do too much I can crash, or worse yet, relapse. However, sometimes when I start to feel ill and I push through, I'm fine....nothing happens (except that it sucks to push through when I'm feeling ill).

I feel like I'm continually asking questions and making assessments. I'm sick of it. For example, at break today I wasn't feeling too badly so I thought I'd keep going. However, the last 45min of class I was feeling awful, and yet I chose to push through rather than deal with the awkwardness of getting up and walking out. But then I came home and surprisingly wasn't feeling too bad. Which makes me think, wow, maybe I really can do more and push through? But I just don't know because sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

It's going to be a very tough week so this may be my only blog entry all week. We have a 10 page paper to complete by Friday. It just happens that my friend is coming through town with her family (all 7 of them) and staying Tues. and Wed. night.

Problem is, when I go to class, I come home and need to lay down and rest, sometimes for the remainder of the day. So when am I going to write a paper? Luckily, I did manage 4 pages over the weekend.

But this is when I start to think - "I just don't want to do this to myself". Then I start feeling apathetic - "I just don't care". I think it's a combination of feeling sick and overwhelmed.
Anyways, I'm fading.........................................