Infection connection

As you know, I usually blog about once a week.  For some reason, I've been uninspired this past week or so.  I don't feel as if I have anything new or interesting to write about.

I've just been plugging away at day to day life, trying to walk the balance of doing SOMETHING, without being active enough to make myself sicker....Sometimes I am successful in this mission, other times not.  For example, the last two days I was terribly crashed, but today I don't feel too bad (and am employing heaps of willpower trying NOT to overdo it).

I keep lists and put very superficial little tasks on the them as well as bigger ones (bigger ones being things like paying a bill or a needed outing e.g. the Dr. or the bank).  When I'm able to check my little check boxes, it gives me the illusion that I've done something with my week.  It makes me feel as if my daily life is not all for naught.  Kind of ridiculous, but there you have it.

I checked a lot of boxes this week.  Today, for instance, I had to get some bloodwork done to check my mild anemia and my white blood count (WBC).  I was sitting there at the lab (wishing I wasn't) and unfortunately after she (the phlebologist) injected the needle into my arm and filled the first tube, the blood stopped coming. So she jammed the needle around under the skin trying to find the vein for a while and asked if it hurt?  Finally I suggested we try the other arm.  So arm one was already bruised.

In my left arm she hit a vein right off but it started leaking under the skin.  She asked me if I was on blood thinners because my blood seemed thin?  (I wondered if this were true or whether she was feeling the need for an excuse?)  When she finished with the left arm the blood was just oozing out and I had to ask for a second cotton ball to soak it all up.  We sat for a few minutes while I applied pressure and finally it started to clot.  So I came home with two bruised, sore arms.

However, to put two measly needle pricks into perspective, I woke up this morning and my armpits were just aching and pumping.  I say pumping because sometimes I can feel the lymph flowing in that area of my axillary lymph nodes, especially when they are tender.  So with that soreness to deal with, the needle bruises seemed minimal. And to put it into even greater perspective, none of it was all that painful.  I am actually both very lucky, and very thankful, in that I experience almost no pain at all with M.E. except a sore throat and painful lymph nodes.

Sometimes I wonder how people do the exhaustion, fluiness, dizziness, and weakness with cognitive dysfunction and pain to boot!!!  That being said, I've been told many times by well meaning 'well' people "I could never face what you face everyday!", "I could never stand being that sick!"

.....well it's not like it's a choice?  What is my choice?  I can live with being this sick or not live at all.....so I choose to live and manage as best I can.  But for some reason I find that statement annoying because if that person came down with M.E. they wouldn't have any choice BUT to try to manage as well.

I'm sure it's the same with those in chronic pain....

So why did I title this post the "infection connection"?  Well I can't help but think after 10 years that I have some kind of ongoing infection.  I mean why else would my lymph nodes hurt and my throat blister and swell?  Why else do I still get fevers?  What better explains my low WBC or chronic gastritis or more recently my dilitated pancreatic duct?  Obviously there's more to it than infection (infection doesn't explain the OI or the tremors), but I can't help but think it plays a pretty big role.