So instead I will post a few photos from the fall. I've been lucky to get out a couple times. Once to my favourite local creek with the dog. And it has been a beautiful autumn even for the north where we get few, if any maples.
I recovered from my trip and the never ending smoldering cold virus. Unfortunately, since the cold, I've had continued axillary lymph node pain and a throat that looks and feels worse than before the cold. However, my throat never feels great.
I've been told that sore throat is one of the hallmarks of M.E. especially in the beginning. But then it goes away. Well I'm waiting for it to "go away" after 11 years. Unlike the fluiness which peaks around 6pm, the throat pain always peaks at bedtime, then I wake up with only a mildly sore throat.
 |
| overlook near the border (Canada and Minnesota) |
 |
| my favourite city park, it's such a great spot |
It's snowing today so autumn feels officially over.
It's strange right now not having any occupation, not even the very part-time PhD work. When I have a decent hour or two I feel the guilt start to set it. My brain says "See, you aren't that bad off, there is some kind of work you can do, you are stealing from the government and hard working people". Then today, I went to the nearby drug store to buy a few items and while standing in line dizzy and fluey I thought to myself, "OK, I guess you are disabled. What, you can't even manage a quick errand!?"
So I'm trying to do little things to keep myself busy. Recently, I wrote an article for an outdoor educators journal, I'm also working on another blockprint. I surf online, I read, I rest, I chat online, I do the dishes, I rest, sometimes I cook something...this is not the life of a typical 'high energy' woman in her early 40s, but it's my life. I'm trying to make the most of it.
While I probably could do a few hours of PhD work a week right now, I'm so happy to not have that pressure. I hope I'm not getting lazy.
No worries there! You are far from lazy - look at all you do while feeling so sick! On one of my recent so-so days, as I was coming out of my bad crash, I was thinking I was doing pretty well then realized that if any normal, healthy person woke up with the symptoms I had at that moment, they would probably stay in bed all day! It's hard to keep an accurate sense of proportion some days.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the article!! That is fabulous and a huge accomplishment!
And, as you know, I love, love, love your photos - just gorgeous! I missed some of our fall colors while stuck inside, and we are kind of in-between right now - the early colored leaves stripped off by wind and rain and the later colors not yet here.
Imunovir has helped me a LOT with the sore throat. I know you have difficulty getting access to good medical care there, but Imunovir is sold in Canada (that's where I get mine!), so if you can find a doctor willing to prescribe it, you should try it. That immune dysfunction is at the heart of this illness and if you can begin to normalize that, then everything gets better.
Sue
Live with CFS
Thanks Sue, it's true, I think we are harder on ourselves sometimes than we would be on anyone else who was sick. It seems like we are both acheivers which makes it even harder yet not to try to do as soon as we have a decent moment. My specialist always said "Put money in the bank", but easier said than done.
DeleteI dislike uninspired stages greatly, It's hard to stay inspired and think of things to write when you don't do much, but these fall (or autumn for us Brits!) photos are lovely! I'm in Madrid so we haven't got to see the lovely colours change yet. Oh and what a beautiful dog! Lots of Love
ReplyDeleteHayley-Eszti
True Hayley, I've heard too that it's better to have a system (mine is try to post once a week), but hard to know what to say when nothing's going on.
DeleteIt's a constant battle .... isn't it? :( I too have those 'discussions' with myself...one minute telling myself "See...you're feeling pretty good today....you're not that bad and not that sick" followed by the quick reminder, Yes... I am in fact that sick....when I attempt something not-that-big to most people. Constant.battle.
ReplyDeleteI think you've reached a great balance of the things you are doing. That's fantastic you wrote an article!
Love your pictures too --- beautiful!
Thanks At Home on the Rock, I wanted to post it hear somehow, not sure of all the copywrite stuff, though, so hopefully at some point I can post a link
Deletethe photos are gorgeous! I wish I could see that type of view here. I like those type of wide open scenery. I also like the one with red leaves.
ReplyDeleteme too Yun Yi, I think that's why I love Lake Superior - the space/expanse
Delete