Thought for the Day:

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all.

- Emily Dickinson

Monday, August 19, 2013

Medical Leave Again

I've decided, if I can, I am taking another medical leave from the PhD....I just need to go through the steps to get it sorted (Dr. signature/letter, advisor and department approval, postpone my grant funding again).  It would probably be easier to just stay officially enrolled, but my conscience isn't dealing with that very well right now. (For one, I've done nothing at all on my PhD stuff for a month).

I am going to take the fall off and just rest, hangout, do art and try to make some progress mentally with this illness.  I don't think 'doing nothing' is a good idea as this always seems to spiral me into depression.  To be honest, I can still work on finalizing my research proposal, just without any pressure of being enrolled and receiving grant funds.

I may be pulling out of my post-trip crash just a little, but it's been tough mentally and emotionally this past week or so trying to cope with feeling so ill and exhausted/weak most the time.

So over the next week or so my 'job' is to try to get this leave of absence sorted/figured out.  Also, maybe to enjoy a little sunshine in the backyard.

I did a small 4x6 print over the last week or so and I wasn't happy so much with the colours.  However, I'm sharing it anyways as I like the composition and feeling of movement portrayed.

Thanks to all who read this blog and support me from afar.  And I hope my fellow "M.E.ers" are doing alright wherever you are on this journey of chronic illness.

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4 comments:

  1. hayleyesztiAugust 20, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    I hope you can get something sorted. A break and some time to get some good quality rest might be just what you need.
    Hayley-Eszti

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  2. AnonymousAugust 24, 2013 at 8:18 AM

    Hi Upnorth, I like your print. 'Into the Wild,' came to mind. It looks like the river the young man faced in Alaska-- what it looked like after the mountain snows melted and the river became a roaring rage preventing him from returning to the other side. -----I can understand, receiving grant funds involves pressure to produce. Sure hope you are continuing to mend from the camping trip crash. I wish research would study our DNA, because there must be a crack or missing part or something or other on one of our genes/chromosomes indicating a propensity for ME cfs. Something !!!! is going on in our bodies, unrelenting. Most mornings I wake up thinking how I'm going to get into the work I plan for the day. Sometimes I force myself to plunge into work and it seems I wear out more quickly than if I ease myself into work by poking around online, fun stuff, looking up books on Amazon, poking around ebay. Then after 20 min of that I turn to paperwork and projects I need/want to tackle for the limited time M.E. allows. Always aware that I don't overwork my right arm by writing without resting my arm. You have great drive, taking off this semester from the Phd won't dampen your goals. But I'm so sorry that you have to pay for that great outdoors trip. It's so rotten (and a few other choice words !!) from Leah

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  3. upnorthAugust 25, 2013 at 10:54 AM

    Thanks Leah, sounds like you are smart by breaking up your tasks and resting inbetween. I wish I was a bit smarter about doing stuff in small bits. Sometimes I am, other times, as soon as I feel a bit better I am gungho and overdo. Sigh, maybe I'll learn eventually.

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