Made it!

Good news, I made it through my busy week.  I was able to both enjoy my family visits (at times), and attend and defend my portfolio (like a comprehensive exam).  I am now officially a PhD candidate which just means as far as I can tell that you can add PhD Candidate to the tag on your email (heehee).

Now all that's left as far as my PhD is for me to edit my research proposal, conduct my research, and write most of my dissertation (ALOT!).  Yes, this is probably a fairly unrealistic task for someone who is as sick as I am, so my hopes aren't exactly sky high.  I'm fairly proud of getting this far, though.

The defence went well, after a short 17 1/2 min (I timed it) presentation, my supervisor/advisor, my two 2 committee members, and the examiner asked me two questions each.  At least they were allowed to ask me two questions each....I have a feeling they didn't all do so...it's a bit of a blur to be honest. I don't think I answered them all well; in fact, I remember going off on tangents more than once, but I was told afterwards that I was at least slightly articulate.

Next, the floor was open and the 'audience' made up of university community members were allowed to ask questions.  Three of the 5 people who attended did ask me something.  I was nervous at the beginning, but it was such a nice group of people and I wasn't dizzy (hallelujah) that I made it though feeling some degree of calmness.

After a closed door discussion, they brought me back into the room and told me I'd passed.

Then we had a planned meeting about my research proposal.  Here is where things went south healthwise.  It was way too ambitious of me to think I'd be coherent or have any energy left after the defence ordeal.  Both committee members had issues with my proposal and I was having trouble comprehending what they were saying.  And to boot, the one member who was part of the discussion through teleconference hadn't even read the whole proposal (frustrating).  (Also, the connection volume was poor and made it even harder to concentrate).  So we just ended that discussion quickly to be continued at a later date as I realized I was completely done.

I was tearing up on my way to the car from pure exhaustion (thankfully my good friend/roommate had come to support and drive me).  I was very weak for the rest of the day.  I also had considerable brain fog (trouble focusing, headache, and a brain that felt wrapped in seran wrap) for the rest of the day.

I still feel surreal about the whole week, both the family visit and the defence.  I'm so glad it is all over with.  My advisor and I both agreed that I wouldn't even think about anything to do with the PhD for a week at least.

After a week I will reassess what my next move will be.  I could decide to drop out or take another leave at this point because I have now conquered a huge milestone.  Or I might plug away until my funding runs out.  But I will make those decisions after I've rested fully for at least a week.