Stress

Well I'm done teaching my online course, so I am out of work for the foreseeable future.  Although am I really done? NO! I am still dealing with student issues.  Teaching (even graduate students) is not easy, and I tend to absorb stress quite easily.  Of course I can't share details, but suffice it to say - dealing with failing students - it's anxiety making.

On top of it all, my dad had a memory assessment and the Dr. wanted him to stop driving until he goes for a driving assessment.  This not only ups my daily load hugely, but my Dad is beside himself and he dumps his anxiety onto me, or tries to (e.g. talks about suicide).  He is also here (or calling) me much of the afternoon every single day. I'm actually letting him drive just a little because despite the fact I'm pretty sure he'll fail the assessment, it makes him happy and takes the stress level down a notch. I pray he doesn't hit anyone.

It would help him with the inevitable transition if he agreed to get involved in ANYTHING (he's been here a year and some) but we've had that argument so many times I'm blue in the face.  Besides the exercise class at his home, he refuses to join or participate in anything (a class, volunteer, an activity, a church, etc, etc.). Guess what he does when he's bored? Either drives around, or thinks up an excuse to go buy something (small things, but still), this is not a life.

So needless to say, sometimes I feel I can't catch a frigg'n break. Oh, and the dryer is going, the TV's not working properly and I am supposed to be setting up house foundation repair for July which I can't afford and don't have the help for (I have one friend who's offered a weekend). And given I often don't have the strength to lift my arms (literally), I'm not sure how the project will get done.

My one beacon is that I'm supposed to camp on some nearby islands on Lake Superior for 4 days this August. I am so excited/looking forward to it there are no words.

I know some people are better able to look at the bright side of life than me. I do realize that everything in my life isn't sh*&T, on the other hand, sometimes I feel like I got dealt a bad hand, and worse still, no matter how hard I try, the rain keeps falling.  There's so much I can't change, so much out of my control (e.g. my family situation, my health and consequent poverty/low income), that at times I just feel beaten down.