Sorry I've disappeared. There is just too much going on for me to come here and post/write very often. There are some family issues that are causing me stress even though I can't do much to help.
My health has improved slightly, but I'm still not back up to where I was in the fall. Honestly, I don't think that will happen until I stop working in June. Part-time work and stress are taking their toll on my body. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not cut out for life in general. It's like trying to do it with constant influenza or mono. I'm just so.......fed up and done.
I am so tired of feeling sick all the time, and being so homebound and shut in, that I could scream (if I had the energy). My moods are fluctuating between desperately sad and lonely to frustrated, angry and trapped, to occasionally more peaceful and content. I do love the teaching but I feel conflicted, part of me is grateful for the work, purpose and distraction, and part of me loathes it given what it does to me. I guess it's the same as loving anything that causes you harm.
I hope all of my many many readers (hahahahaha) are AWAP (as well as possible).
Hi Upnorth, I hope you will read this and hope you will still be posting from time to time, I'll be checking your blog. I'm so annoyed with myself that I didn't write before this. Just now I sat down to write, finally, and saw your recent post. When you wrote that screaming takes too much energy, I know all about that. Sometimes I want to watch some comedy on TV, but I'll pay for all the laughter the next day. At the moment my husband is homebound on infusions and I depend on him for so much so am finding alternate ways to get food, etc. He's had such a rough time but in 3 months he'll be better and we'll still be the same, stuck in this blasted disease. Hopefully once spring comes your garden will lift your spirits, I know mine does --just a few pots, never the less -----. Last year I even discovered potter bees' tiny nests along a wood indentation near my flowers. Sometimes it's those little happenings that can keep us going. Also films by Yasujiro Ozu
ReplyDelete(most famous is Tokyo Story. And I've just discovered Patrick Modiano's books (he won the Nobel a few years ago)books -very different, short which is nice. I also discovered Elena Ferrante's books---- the quartet beginning with My Brilliant Friend (I 'read' them on audible). Just a few things that help get thru the hours. Wishing you well, hope the family problems get resolved so you have more peace. Please don't disappear !!! If you ever happen to pick up Modiano you'll get a chuckle over the coincidence of the title of your post and his books. --- And when life gets really rough we can always go on google maps and 'walk' the streets of our daydreamy travels - for me it's Rome and Paris.
thinking of you --------from Leah
Your husband is ill and on infusions! Oh no, I hope it's something that will heal/improve? I can't imagine being completely alone trying to get all the essential (I am lucky that my roommate/friend helps with that). Thanks for your response, I hadn't seen a reply in a while and was hoping you were okay. I will have to check out that book, I'm always at a loss for what to read next.
DeleteRight now I'm reading "my grandmother asked me to tell you she's sorry" and really enjoying it. It's by F. Backman, who also wrote "A Man called Ove" which I enjoyed as well.
I'll second that. Please don't leave! I've been following your blog for many years, and would miss reading your updates and seeing your wonderful pictures.
ReplyDelete