Well I made it home, and then had a 3 day decent spell. I've been taking care of all sorts of sorting and organizational stuff at home. Honestly, I think I mostly just moved things around, but the fact that three bags of trash went to the curb tells a different story. My house is quite small (although plenty big enough for two people). This means I can't collect a lot of junk or store stuff indefinitely if it's something I'll never use. The exception is books, there are books everywhere (and I did get rid of a bag of novels). I also brought books, some dishes and blankets, and 3 boxes of my mom's files and collectibles from my parents' house that I still have to sort through.
On top of my manic (well 2 or 3 hours a day which is a lot for a sickie) organizing, I opened an Etsy shop which is keeping me surprisingly busy. Then of course my dad is calling or visiting often. To make life even more exciting, my brother C, who has a psychiatric illness and was living on the streets after my mom died first disappeared, then ended up in the hospital (in southern Ontario). My healthy brother B. and his wife (since I'm my dad's care-giver) wanted to have my ill brother C move near them rather than have me take on another family task, however, my brother C. has been calling me multiple times a day from the hospital which is draining!!! Also, I can't help but worry about him, he has so many issues (mental illness, drugs and alcohol, etc.).
Then, it was the anniversary of my mom dying a year ago on December 2nd. I had wanted to take the time to do something in tribute to her, but in reality, a FaceBook post with some photos is all I did. I do think about her all the time and was hoping someone would connect with me through that post and share memories. Unfortunately of the people who are closest to me, most didn't really know her so couldn't say much. For those who did know her, life goes on, people have their day to day lives and I don't think they grieve the same as close family. My remaining family don't have the desire and/or ability to talk about her and share memories. Maybe I'll call her sister (my aunt) who is still living.
The final thing on my plate is a course (online) I am teaching in January. I should be getting it ready, but haven't done much and time is ticking. This week my dad has two appointments but I'm hoping otherwise I can dedicate some time to polishing it up. It's the same course I taught in the summer but over 12 weeks not 6, I think it will be about the perfect amount of work.
If it helps, I've been following your blog for about 7 years, and you are definitely doing better than you did when I first started following you. I know it is still a drag, but take heart in that.
ReplyDeleteI think you are correct, I think the changes are minor and subtle, but I do think I'm just slightly more resilient overall. There are some things that have changed.
Delete