Time for a Change?

Warning! heavy topics discussed below:

I'm debating making some big changes.  More than once this past year, I've wanted my life to end.  This is the morbid truth. My life is often pretty miserable (I feel so ill, weak, and dizzy), and I also feel very alone, isolated. What is the purpose of keeping on? How does my life add anything to this wide world? Who enjoys my company, especially when my energy, stamina, and symptoms effect my ability to be social?

When I returned from visiting my brother and his family, the depression hit hard again.  Outside of my housemate/friend, there's not a single person who cared or noticed I'd been away.  The dog walker maybe?  There wasn't a single missed phone message, or a single piece of mail waiting for me.

How purposeless my life seems.  Also, adding another layer, I've had severe insomnia since the trip.  Worse than I can remember having in my whole life.  I go to bed exhausted and doze a little, but mostly lay there for hours and hours, sometimes gaining only two or three disrupted hours of sleep a night.  At first I think it was due to the three hour time change.  But it's been almost 2 weeks. My usual sleep aids are doing little.  I've also added melatonin to the mix, to no avail.

This house is also weighing on me.  While in some ways I love having a home, (and it's a pretty cute one) there are many problems (some structural) that need to be addressed.  I have no extra income to address them, and I don't have the health to manage even some of the smallest tasks that somehow I thought when I bought the house, that I would manage.

So anyways, something flipped inside of me this week and I've started considering another option.  Options are something that are hard to come by when you're ill to the point of being unable to do a lot of stuff.

My disability income is contingent, for example, of me living in this province.  Since I spent the decade before getting ill out of the province, I have very limited community here.

However, I started questioning this week, why stay here in this city?  What other options could I consider? Is there somewhere else I could go and make a home for myself, somewhere where I might feel less isolated? Or is there a way for me to feel less isolated and disconnected here?

Also, could I be less burdened by a fixer upper not to mention all the usual maintenance a home needs? Could I find something much smaller and low maintenance, for example? (e.g. I've been reading a book about a tiny house, not that I necessarily want a tiny house, it just encouraged me to think outside the box).

I don't have an answer yet, but I've tried to put these questions out into the universe.  Is there a way to stop feeling so helpless and dependent (on the government, on my housemate) just wishing it would all end? Am I too sick and too old and too useless to find a life that's a little less lonely? Yes, I realize I'm very very lucky to have the security of a home to live in, and disability income to help me exist.  But even this is tinged with guilt (receiving social assistance) every time I think about it.

I feel stuck in a rut.  I want to start thinking in a less fatalistic way.  There's all sorts I can't control, most frustratingly, my health.  But what can I control? What steps could I take to deal with some of the worst burdens in my life (basically lack of employment and income, a home that's too high maintenance for someone who's ill, and most importantly, social isolation).