You know the rest of the sentence…"must come to an end".
My good spell is over. I feel so awful and fluey and "icky". I feel weak and shaky. It hurts to breath - a heavy achy fluey pressure in my lungs. Even my lymph nodes (axillary ones) hurt. This is a symptom I get when I'm especially viral.
On days like this it's hard to "take it". There is just no escape. I feel so trapped. I'm way too weak and ill to want to do anything. I'm glad I'm alone in that I don't really even have the energy to talk much.
On days like today, it's so hard to exist because I'm so weighed down by this awful experience of my sick body.
I don't really know what I did to cause the immune crash? I had an hour and 1/2 outing on Saturday. I crashed Monday (36 hours later like clockwork). But why am I even worse today?
I really just hate my life sometimes. Hopefully I improve soon. Sorry for the whinge.
Thinking of you Gail…can't count how many times I have said "I can't do this another day…I just cannot live like this…" a few things that have helped have been don't get through this day or night just get through this minute…I'm just so sorry for you - if it wasn't for the internet and blog world I just couldn't believe even in the descriptions of "CFS" that this could be possible….sending you a better tomorrow
ReplyDeleteHi Upnorth, Winge, that's a new word for me but I figure it's a play on the word whine. You have every right to your despair. I've been behind and went on to comment on your previous post where you had some good, relatively speaking, days and then I read about the crash above. I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. Sometimes our lives are absolutely rotten. I just wanted to say that you are not alone. And I'm thinking of you. from Leah.
ReplyDeleteOh thanks both of you Heather and Leah. So great to not be so alone with these health crashes. You are rihgt hkd, it still surpises me how awful it is (the immune flare) even after 12+ years. I'm actually doing a bit better again, I think it was just a prolonged crash from my Sat. outing.
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