Even though I didn't permanently relapse or anything, I seem to be less resilient the last couple weeks - I've been living the yoyo life. I do a little, crash hard, force myself to do a little more, crash hard. My throat is sore more often, I am weaker, and just colossally tired beyond tired.
It was so so so difficult to wake up today and take my dad to his program. It's a short drive but still, I shouldn't have been driving this a.m. given my POTS/dizziness was quite bad first thing (before drinking water and taking drugs).
Life takes so much effort these days. And it seems so monotonous/meaningless. I lay in bed and work all morning, I do brief dad entertainment in the afternoon, then the rest of the day is spent laying on the couch or in bed feeling horrid. Or alternatively forcing myself to do an errand or task while feeling horrid.
My world is so small. Besides short occasional interactions with my housemate, and the un-stimulating company of my dad, there isn't much to my life right now.
I want to do some art or something but I am so colossally sick and tired there is nothing at all in my battery. I took my dad on a drive Sunday which may be why I'm so crashed again yesterday and today.
Here's a few more photos from outings in Sept.-Oct. just for fun.
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| I took this out the window of the car! |
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| Okay so my dad wan't smiling but the dog was lol |
Holy wild deer, Batman! So neat, the only deer I see around here is on a plate.
ReplyDeleteI tend to feel the same way about the lack of energy and mental acuity to even do the art, (painting, beading etc) or even the coding that I use to enjoy. It seems like such a simple thing mentally, reading and writing code or stringing beads but with the issues today I could not even trust my hands with cutlery and salt (just as well I need to eat more salt), not to mention the mind fog means I have probably written this all up over an hour. At that point by the time I use up what little energy I have I will have written a few paragraphs, if that.
Finding easy activities is an adventure in itself though. Cannot play fun games any more but trying to build up to it. I cannot even read full articles or books either. A few OTs in NZ recommend gaming especially for different mental energy and stimulation so there may be a game for everyone & to help stave off dementia & boredom. Skyrim, a rpg fantasy, (something I laughingly compare to flower picking & collecting), was an easy grind & outdoor hiking to a degree so when my husband was recovering from his brain injury he found mid way he could start playing that one as it was relatively simple, (mash the same key in any frequency and be patient & wary for bugs). The OT recommended it for him to regain puzzling and coding ability which it did help quite a bit. But with ME and many bad days I end up listening, more often to familiar more melodic shows to help with pain. Bugger about being limited to more sedentary stuff now but like you I am trying to build back with a good day spent on something nice if not normally strenuous, (even though I know there will be a crash). I loved your last pictures, they look like they would be great fun to play around with graphic transforms & filters. whew! Ok tea break.
Sending you love.
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