Downward Slope

The slope has been downward trending.  In fact I feel like I'm laying prone at the bottom of the slope. Usually for me these things (thankfully) are temporary.

For a couple of weeks now I've been especially fatigued, lightheaded (POTsy) and it hurts to breathe, like when I'm crashed...it's a dull ache/heaviness in my chest. Otherwise, my viral symptoms are no worse than usual (just like a very low-grade cold virus).  However, the fatigue has been colossal.  My legs get shaky standing briefly and every action seems overwhelming, like breaking through an impossible inertia.  It's like when I had first had mono but the fatigue is times two.

I've stopped seeing Dr.s after the last specialist (gynaecologist) who told me on three occasions that thankfully I was "perfectly healthy".  From a very pragmatic point of view, what's the point of seeing medical professionals if they don't even acknowledge the illness?  These people are obviously not going to help me in anyway, and I waste my time and energy going to them.  And while I know perfectly well that I'm ill, I don't need the added hurt and disappointment when someone who's supposed to have some knowledge completely discounts what I am experiencing.

I take my father every few months to the NP who is also my physician (but who I've mostly stopped seeing).  Last time we went in, she really wanted me to make an appointment so I obliged...the appointment is for mid Feb.  However, I did the blood work for the appointment this week and since I can sign in and see my blood results online, I noticed that my WBC was down to 3 which is leukopenia (normal range is 4-11).  I also have mild neutropenia. While I'm sure I'll get a call from my NP, I know there is nothing to be done about it.

In the early days of M.E. I had a few counts even lower than this, and they checked me for all the stuff - cancer, auto immune etc. etc. only to find nothing definitive. I am NOT going to waste my time and energy again. Still, it is nice to see something on paper confirming that "hey, your immune system is exhausted".  It is.  Every cell in my body is tanked right now.

I'm pretty sure I can figure out why too.  It's from taking on too much.  I'm looking out for my dad, I'm teaching an online course, and I was attempting some very gentle exercise there for a bit.  My body is saying "enough".  Also, it's winter, not usually a time of year where I'm very resilient.