Sadly, my mom passed away on Dec. 2nd early in the morning. Earlier this same week I started to crash/relapse really badly so while I spent a lot of time with her at the palliative floor, I missed seeing her on Tuesday (but we did talk twice on the phone). It is a very very sad time for me. Also very difficult because we need to find a good place for my dad to live as he can't cope alone anymore and I am not willing to move in with him for many reasons, health being one of them.
However, while I don't want to write tons of personal struggles and details here, I will say, mixed in with this horrible sad emptiness because I just lost my mom, is gratefulness that I had this time with her. Being around these last months of her life, caring for her, spending time with her, telling her I loved her every day, doing lots and lots for her (mostly little things)…it was a really good thing to do. I don't mean "good" as in I'm a good person, more that it was so nice to be there for her, care for her, spend that time together. I can't see ever regretting it.
For those who haven't done it, it takes a huge amount of toughness/courage to be by someone as they are dying. Watching and helping my mom when she was in delirium, confused, helping her with bathroom stuff (while blacking out with my own POTS symptoms), while all hard, I don't regret it. My long winded point is while I wasn't able to care for her these last 5 weeks at her home as she would have wanted, I was still able to spend lots of time with her and give her care and company in the hospital too. If you ever have the chance to "be there" for a loved one who is dying, based on my experience (which was excruciating while ill) I still recommend it.
hi gail - what a great post. i wish you strength in the coming weeks. i am sorry for your loss and yet also so glad you were able to spend the time. it's precious. --jen
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. Hope you can get through the next few weeks and you can find somewhere for your Dad to go.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about the passing of you mum. And I'm glad you were able to spend the last weeks with her and also care for her in a way that she would have wanted.
ReplyDeleteAt such a time, it's also nice to hear that you are being honest with the fact that you can't look after your dad due to many reasons and your own health. Many people take on this role without thinking and end up worse and it's not always fair to the parent who was left behind. I'm wishing you all success in finding the right quality care for him too. It's a brave thing to do.
The loss of a loved parent is very hard, but you did very well considering what you were going through at the same time. May God bless and keep you.
Hi Gail --- So sorry about your mom's passing. This is a great post and thanks for sharing it, the struggles and the good parts (how glad you were to be there for her etc) with us. Thinking about you and your Dad at this time and in the coming weeks.
ReplyDeleteHi Upnorth, So very sorry to hear from you about your Mother. How fortunate she was to have a daughter like you, so loving and caring and there beside her during her last months. I'm hoping that by now you've found a good place for your father and are recovering from the crash. I hope you are finding peace of mind in that you did all you possibly could for your mother and much more. from Leah
ReplyDelete