This is pretty much what I see while I lay here. In some ways it's what keeps me going. My little friend "Weagers" is a fairly needy dog which suits me just fine. She lays beside me much of the day and I lay here petting her while I surf online, rest, or read.I've been doing better since Dec. overall, however, I still have some pretty terribly ill days. Yesterday was one of those terrible days. I made it through, that's about all I can say. I actually fell apart at the end of the day and had a good cry. It was all just a little too much.
All day I lay in bed feeling just awfully ill...like the worst day of a cold X three or perhaps like poison was pulsing through my every cell. It was all the mental and emotional energy I had just to bear with it. I knew that if I made it through until 6 or 7pm that it would ease up a bit, and it did.
The day before I'd had an average day but needed an outing. So we went for a little stroll down by the (frozen) water. I knew when I went out that it might not be wise, but mentally I needed the fresh air. And I paid, boy did I pay.
Despite being so ill, I also had to endure being told that "I look great" (extremely validating when I'm feeling so sick I just want to die) and to "cheer up" by two different individuals. Seriously!%$#! Oh well, I guess you can never make anyone understand this stupid illness if they don't want to and I'm not going to waste my energy trying. (A point made by one of the speakers you can listen to from the link I posted in my previous blog post...it was a good talk that had some useful tips on coping).
I love the photo of your sweet companion looking at you with those big eyes! I am sorry you are still having to spend most of your time flat. This diseaes is so unfair. Recently I had my sister who raised me call and when I told her I was not having a good day, she went on to say, BUT the DOCTOR said you are better. Like I did not want to be better I guess. She then told me I needed to exercise and shen she called me again in a day or two asked me if I was walking. F R U S T R A T I O N
ReplyDeleteSo I do understand when someone tells you how great you look. IF they understood the diseaes they would see beyond that initial glimpse and be able to just "tell".
Hang in there and give your special companion a pet from me too...we are blessed to have them aren't we!
Thanks so much for your words Renee, they brought tears to my eyes. You are a good friend.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that someone else understands how much we DON'T want this. I don't think anyone in my life is really bad-intentioned, it's just that they really don't get it.
Hi Upnorth. I'm sorry you're having some bad days. I really get how frustrating it is when others don't get it. Like you said, they aren't bad intentioned....they just don't get what it's like and probably never will.
ReplyDeleteI love your dog....what a great picture of him!
I hope there are better days ahead for you.
My dog is a huge comfort...
DeleteHey Upnorth,
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry to hear you are feeling so crappy... Sometimes I think that bit of time we need to go outside for our minds is more important than the pay off afterwards. IT's so god damn frustrating though.
What a great photo!!! How cute is that nose..... I'm glad you have that little buddy by your side.
Errrrrr.... IT is SO annoying when people say things like that! People will NEVER understand, except for others in the same situation. You're right not to waste your time. The reality is that people are so caught up within their own minds and thoughts that they just don't appear capable of trying to understand. I say that as an observation, not blaming people at all. It seems to be a sad fact of life...
I hope too that you get a break at some point soon. I'll be thinking of you. xx : )
Treya, sometimes I agree, sometimes not. If I have a crash that lasts days I often regret the outing, but you're right, sometimes it's worth a crash. And I think you're right, people are very much caught up in their own lives (and predetermined ideas) sometimes to have room for empathy.
DeleteIf I was looking at that sweet face every day I would be very happy! Awww!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the insensitive comments. When will people ever learn? Ugh.
I'm glad you did make it out for an outing. I find on my bad days that sometimes I just need to get outside and smell some fresh air.
I'm glad you are doing better but I hope you get to feeling much better soon. I know how much it sucks to be laying in bed day after day. There really is no way to describe how incredibly challenging that is.
Hang in there. Hugs and love! xxooo
Dominique, yes I'm so lucky and blessed to have my dog with me (pretty much constantly). I'm find being outdoors even if I can't walk is hugely helpful to my mental (if not physical state)
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