On the positive side this week:
- It's been sunny almost every day - laying in bed in the afternoons the sun beams into my bedroom (south exposure).
- I read and summarized a wolf article for my independent study almost every day this week - progress albeit small.
- My friend Nancy came to visit Monday through Wednesday morning which was awesome!
- I have Olympics on cable (the first time I've had cable in years) and have been enjoying it immensely.
- The house is starting to feel like home.
- While I've been as sick or sicker than I was last week, my mental/emotional stamina has held up better.
- Joe cooked an amazing breakfast for lunch yesterday.
- And while I don't believe its healthy to compare pain, feeling this ill lately I think about how much worse it can be. I'm thankful I'm not as ill as I was during year two and three of this disease or as ill as those with severe CFS/ME....I mean honestly, I don't know how people manage mentally and emotionally?!! (I consider my case of ME/CFS to be moderate - which is still disabling at times, but I'm not completely bedridden).
Sadly:
- My viral/immune symptoms are flaring with ear, throat, chest and lymph node pain (including throat blisters again).
- My energy is worse than it's been in months. Doing simple tasks finds me short of breath and dizzy with instant lactic acid burn as well as muscle twitches and tremors.
- My motivation for continuing with the PhD program is low at present.
- (which isn't helped by the fact that) The email system at the university has been haywire for two weeks making working at home frustrating.
- Another study came out on the XMRV retrovirus and it failed to find it in the sample of CFS/ME patients tested....this really bummed me out, but having read more analysis I'm holding out hope that some study in the near future replicates the original finding from the Whittemore Peterson Institute. http://sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/48157/title/Retrovirus_might_be_culprit_in_chronic_fatigue_syndrome
I agree with you 'compare and despair' however, it sounds like you are having a rough time at the moment. I'm moderately affected like you, but I tip over into severe after stress and two moves in six months have done for me. So I can relate. Isn't it great when you start to connect with your new place? Rest and enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time, but I'm glad you take the time to list the good and the bad. I have a CFIDS blog - It's Time To Get Over How Fragile You Are - and I like to do lists of such things too :)
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts :)
I definitely sounds like you over did it! Congratulations, btw, on getting your PHD! That is no small feat! I did my bachelors a few years ago and have been paying for it ever since. It was the hardest thing I ever did.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are starting to settle into your new home. I always say it takes about 6 months for a new abode to feel like a home.
I hope you start feeling better soon. However, in the meantime, I hope you try and get as much rest as possible.
Sounds like you will need it to finish up that PHD! :-)
Thanks Jo, Annie and Dominique for the comments and support. Yes Jo, it is so so nice when you start to feel "at home" in a new place. Especially with those who have moderate and severe CFS/ME....we spend so much time at home. Having a good space makes such a difference doesn't it?
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