Extra Challenges

I consciously and deliberately brought a new challenge into my life despite all the other challenges I face on a daily basis. For instance, working part-time while ill, caring for my dad while ill, and just being chronically ill!

The good news is while it's still really really tough, puppy has gotten easier.

She now sleeps through the night most nights (in her crate). She can also behave enough to hang out with me and Teags in the living room where I spend much of my awake time lying on the sofa. I'm still expending more than my limit of energy, but I'm getting closer to what I can manage without being constantly crashed. This week has actually been pretty bad health wise, but not all of it is due to puppy.

Also, I am forming a bond now with puppy.  Her personality is emerging and this has made a big difference. While I would probably love any dog I met on some level, the human-canine bond (in my experience) is not instant. I think the fact that I dealt with the young puppy stuff while feeling almost constantly horrid doesn't help. That said, I remember it took some time to really bond with Teags.

As someone who trains dogs (and did before I got ill), I think that training piece helps. When you train with a dog (with positive techniques), part of what you're doing is attempting to communicate. To communicate well, you need to really get to know the other individual, what they like and don't like, what motivates them. Through our time learning together, we are getting to know each other and this helps (I believe) with the bond. Ripple has learnt some basics like sit, down, target, wait, how to crate, and now we are working on a solid retrieve (this is essential as it will be a big part of how I exercise her given my inability to really exercise).

I'm now at the point that I really love the little gold nugget. She is becoming family.

I have had so much help with her it's ridiculous. For instance, the last two Fridays someone has taken her overnight. She goes to a puppy school sometimes two mornings a week (also funded by friends).

So that's my update.

Very Crashed.

For whatever reason, since coming down with M.E., late winter/early spring has always been my worst time of year. I can't figure why, I have some theories, but they are just theories.

This year I've taken on more than I have since getting ill. I have daily dad check-ins and often small care things (today taking him to the bank). I have a little puppy, and I'm also working part time from home.

I'm not doing well at all. I have been crashed a lot since I got puppy. This past week has been the worst yet and then we went and lost an hour with stupid daylight savings.

Today I feel so ill there are just no words for it. I want to crawl into hole and die. Anything to take away this horrible fatigue, weakness, breathing/chest/flu ache, shakes/internal tremor, lightheadedness and even body and joint ache today.

I have had SO MUCH help with puppy. Friends have helped almost every day and friends from a far have bought me walking, puppy care and training sessions. I have been so touched by the gestures of help. It's made me feel so loved and cared for.  Over three weeks in, and I'm still asking for or using help almost every day.

Puppy is coming along. She is sweet, feisty, confident, brave, and intelligent. She makes me smile and laugh a lot.

I think just getting a little less sleep a night, the constant getting up and down (or going to the door), and the sitting up much much more than I'm used to is taking it's toll. To be honest, I don't really know what to do.

Thankfully, in three weeks, the bulk of my course will be done (except marking) so hopefully I can tread water until then. I love the little monster and don't want to call it quits, she's already family. But I'm also so sick today it's scary.

Here are a couple more photos of my little Ripple.