Procrastination Station

I'm procrastinating. Do I have an excuse to procrastinate?

For those of you with M.E. or another severe chronic illness, you know what it's like to deal with fatigue and illness symptoms daily.  Nonetheless, we only get one shot at life, so we must make choices about giving into our body's requests (for rest) versus doing the "living life" stuff that we can manage (I realize for many with M.E. this involves very little).

Compared to the healthy world, however, I do think we have a good excuse to just do nothing sometimes.  The healthy world isn't dealing with constant illness while doing stuff (even if that stuff is as simple as getting dressed, fixing some food, taking a bath or shower, talking). Today I'm giving myself permission to put off all the "to dos" and be exhausted and sick and just rest.

I had imagined my summer being much more relaxed/restful.  Instead I am busy (M.E. busy).  First, I did that crazy intense online course in May and June which lingered into early July stress-wise.  July just flew by with errands and dad-care/assistance and???.  We've also been doing some repairs on the house which got complicated when a friend couldn't come up to help as expected.  Then a different good friend and her son visited last week which was amazing (and she helped with the house project), but unfortunately their visit co-insided with some pretty awful sick days. I also pushed pretty hard just to visit when feeling crappy and horrible.

It's already August and there are at least 4 dad appointments coming up, the yearly agility event in the city, and a trip for me.

For 6 months my friend/housemate, her brother and I have been planning a trip to some nearby Islands to camp.  Exhausted and immunocompromised or not, I plan to go.  I need to unplug.  I need these four days to lay on the rocks and watch the waves, not have to deal with care or questions from my beloved octogenarian, to see a sky full of stars, and perhaps even see some wild caribou!! (the most southern woodland caribou population resides there).

You can expect some photos when I get back. Thankfully it's not that far away, my friend will drive and I will have help for stuff that I need.

Then, to top it off, I also agreed to teach another course this fall (yes I am insane and stupid).  On the plus, it's the 12 week kind (slower pace with more flexibility) and my supervisor from the PhD is allowing me to pretty much just teach her version of the course. This saves massive amounts of planning.  I'm actually quite looking forward to it.

Who knew 10 years ago that I would actually: fist, be just as sick; and second, find a way to become a Dr. (PhD) and even work part-time from bed?  I hope I'm not pushing things to the degree that I will be one of those who relapses into severe M.E? I am counting my blessings.

Today, I am just in bed (to be honest, I still spend the majority of most days in bed - 18- 20 hrs a day).  I can't seem to get motivated to do anything....I mean anything. I'm so exhausted. I should be piddling away at some reading or course planning. Instead I'm going to do pretty much nothing.