Insidious

It just never seems to end, this disease is so chronic. I over did it all week.  My dad had two Dr. appointments (Mon. and Thurs.) across town.  I find driving utterly draining (and crash inducing) but I also don't think he could ever find these places on his own...and he needs an advocate, so I went.  Wed. I had my own appointment at the University and Tues. someone interviewed me here (I'm being featured with my printmaking in a local arts and culture magazine).

Overdoing it does have it's consequences, no surprise. I am so exhausted and feeling ick (like that weak fluey sick feeling) there are no words to even describe it.  Just walking to the kitchen and back I'm out of breath and utterly exhausted.  This illness is insidious and life-stealing.  We live, but always with a layer of heaviness and weight, through a thick film of horrid.  And yet "I look great" (I heard this again just last week).  No healthy will ever "get" it.  I am so so so so tired, feeling so awful and exhausted. Oh wait, I may have already mentioned that. Sigh.  Thanks for "listening".

I want to do Christmas, shop for people (too sick, stores make me weak and dizzy), decorate my dad's suite (too weak and sick), bake some stuff (too tired), work on preparing my course (I will do it tomorrow), call my brother (tomorrow, too tired and weak to visit today).  You get the idea.

One of the tricks surviving day to day feeling like this is telling myself I don't actually want things to be different, accepting that sick is just my life...On that note, I think I'll go watch a cooking show.