Crashed

Well it finally happened, a sustained crash.  For most of the summer I've been going along with a crash day or two here or there, thinking "I really only have a mild case of M.E." (mild is often still disabled fyi). Then I did a dog event last weekend. Monday arrived and I didn't feel too horrible, but by the end of the day, the carpet slipped out from under me, I was just so so weak and fluey.  Unfortunately, I haven't had a good day since (seven days running now).

I keep waking up each day wondering if I will feel any better/stronger, so far, not so good.  I am not completely bed-bound, but can't sit up for very long (unless my feet are up) or stand for more than a minute or two.  I am just completely wiped out. I've had a lot of days where I can barely lift my arms. It hurts to breathe. I've had a headache (I am not a headache person) for two weeks running now.  Not really much else to say about being crashed, if you have M.E., you already know.

Finishing up this online course has been really challenging, especially doing it while fighting the equivalent of Mono, but I'm nearly there, which means I can hopefully just shut my brain off and rest for a couple weeks.

It's amazing to me when I'm having better days how quickly I put this horrid existence out of my mind. I tell myself "it really isn't that bad"...then I have a week like this! It really is this bad.

Last summer at this time, I got an emergency phone call and headed down south to help out my folks when my mom initially went into the hospital.  On the positive, I won't have to run anywhere at the drop of a hat this year, I can rest and recover at home and hopefully pull out of this extended crash/relapse. On the negative, my mom is no longer around to go help, which is really sad. If I had to do it again, I certainly would. What a heart-wrenching traumatic year it's been.

Here are some photos from my front garden which is full of (mostly) native plants.  It can look sparse at times and unruly, but late August is a good time of year for these gardens.