Another Nightmare

So last Sunday I wrote: "On the positive, I won't have to run anywhere at the drop of a hat this year, I can rest and recover at home and hopefully pull out of this extended crash/relapse."  So much for being positive/optimistic and thinking I would have some time to rest and recover.


On Monday my dad was here (he stops by most days) and said he needed to flip his sheets around because of all the little blood marks.  I reminded him AGAIN that he has two sets of sheets and could take the dirty ones off and put them in the laundry and put the clean set on.  He said, "Oh no, I will just flip the bloody section from the head to the feet."


So despite feeling so horrible I had thoughts of wanting to die running through my head, I dragged myself over to his place to change his sheets.  Then I noticed bugs on his bed and the skirt of his bed (I won't go into gory details but three phases of bugs including larvae).  It turns out there was a bed bug infestation in his bed/suite and he's been a feeding ground for them for months!!


Next, I reported said infestation to the staff and was told immediately much of the issue is the renter's responsibility.  I was too weak to even lift a bag and was told "then find some help".  Being mostly home-bound I have few friends, and my roommate/best friend was away.  My 86 year old dad had to haul garbage bags full of clothes (everything fabric in the suite except the bed and coverings which were disposed) out to the car.  He got help from an elderly man with a walker!!!  Talk about feeling pathetic on my part.


I came home and just cried my little heart out because I was so horribly sick/crashed and overwhelmed. I messaged one of my dog training friends (more of an acquaintance) and we called in a few other people from the dog group and they came and picked up me, and 6 garbage bags full of stuff. We went to the laundromat and laundered it all in hot water and a super hot dryer and they even folded it all. Now bags of his decontaminated stuff are piled in corners of my house.

My dad also had to move into my house while they fumigate his bedroom.  They told me for a few days, then for a week, now they are saying 2 or more weeks. So I can't live in my room until they finish the fumigation process.  I live in a 720 square foot house (there is semi finished basement where my housemate lives, we share the kitchen). The bed in the tiny spare room is too high up for my dad to get into, so that is where i am camped for now, it's not a bad room really, it's just not my bedroom. He is here most the day, but still going over to the dining room at his place to eat most his meals, because cooking him 3 meals a day is beyond me (and anyways, he's still paying rent).

It is all very frustrating and disheartening. His place seemed so clean and nice and safe.  I'm frustrated no-one else caught this issue earlier.  I'm also VERY frustrated that they are insinuating he must have brought them with him in his bed.  He's had that bed for years and there was no issue until he moved into this suite at this residence.  They have admitted it's not the first case of them this year at the residence, not to mention other residences and hotels in this city have been in the news regarding bedbugs the last year or two.

My day to day life is now a lot more challenging.  I have trouble coping with him constantly as he follows me around this small space and is very needy, and it's not like I go to work and can escape. I'm home almost all the time resting and doing my own thing.  I will survive, but life just really sucks right now.  It's bringing back all the traumatic incidents of last year, when I was thrown into being the main caregiver to two parents while ill myself. I thought that was mostly in the past, and that I was down to a do-able level of care.  Wishful thinking.

Crashed

Well it finally happened, a sustained crash.  For most of the summer I've been going along with a crash day or two here or there, thinking "I really only have a mild case of M.E." (mild is often still disabled fyi). Then I did a dog event last weekend. Monday arrived and I didn't feel too horrible, but by the end of the day, the carpet slipped out from under me, I was just so so weak and fluey.  Unfortunately, I haven't had a good day since (seven days running now).

I keep waking up each day wondering if I will feel any better/stronger, so far, not so good.  I am not completely bed-bound, but can't sit up for very long (unless my feet are up) or stand for more than a minute or two.  I am just completely wiped out. I've had a lot of days where I can barely lift my arms. It hurts to breathe. I've had a headache (I am not a headache person) for two weeks running now.  Not really much else to say about being crashed, if you have M.E., you already know.

Finishing up this online course has been really challenging, especially doing it while fighting the equivalent of Mono, but I'm nearly there, which means I can hopefully just shut my brain off and rest for a couple weeks.

It's amazing to me when I'm having better days how quickly I put this horrid existence out of my mind. I tell myself "it really isn't that bad"...then I have a week like this! It really is this bad.

Last summer at this time, I got an emergency phone call and headed down south to help out my folks when my mom initially went into the hospital.  On the positive, I won't have to run anywhere at the drop of a hat this year, I can rest and recover at home and hopefully pull out of this extended crash/relapse. On the negative, my mom is no longer around to go help, which is really sad. If I had to do it again, I certainly would. What a heart-wrenching traumatic year it's been.

Here are some photos from my front garden which is full of (mostly) native plants.  It can look sparse at times and unruly, but late August is a good time of year for these gardens.

Swamped

I am hanging in there, still sick (of course) but not relapsed.  Decent okay days and horrible days, but luckily just crash days.  We celebrated my dad's birthday last week, and I still help him manage life on a daily basis.  He is hanging in there too.  I'm happy he's nearby, but sometimes being his main companion takes a lot out of me.

I came across this article not long after my mom died.  I saw it again today and started crying...it's a really good to read if you've lost your mom (or a close loved one): https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/03/we-dont-lose-our-mothers-reality-more-violent-that-that?CMP=fb_gu

My course finished yesterday and I have a week to mark all the assignments and get my grades in, it will be a challenge.  I'm so glad this is almost over, I took on way too much with a six week condensed course, even an online one.  I am not well enough to manage it.  I'm sure I don't need to justify this fact to this crowd (thankfully). Right now things are "spinny" and "off" just looking at this screen, my brain is past processing today. Not that there haven't been good parts, there have been! It's just doing something this intense is too much given my health.

The past week I've been mostly living on the couch watching a lot of Olympics.  I invented a word for the hours I'm spending in this semi-vegetative state.  I call it Olympitose, get it? :)