Participate in Project Vicariously 2015

I read a post by a fellow M.E. sufferer, Laurel,
http://www.dreamsatstake.com/2014/12/18-years-and-18-wishes.html
listing things she would love to be able to do.  She has severe M.E. and has been mostly bed bound for a long time.  Reading her list maybe me feel deep sadness for her and others with severe M.E., and also appreciation for the things that I CAN do like having a long bath, going on the occasional outing, sitting up enough to do art, being able to read books, etc.

On the other hand, there are many things that I find myself longing for after 12 years with this disease.  I know all of us have our challenges and struggles.  Often, life is difficult.  While I face pretty large physical struggles, I realize I also have blessings in my life.

But I thought, in the spirit of Laurel's post, I would share 10 things I'd love to be able to do.  If you are healthy enough and would like to do one of them for me this year, I could live vicariously through you!!!

Better yet, if any of my friends reading this wanted to take one of these on this year, take a picture of yourself doing it, and when all are complete, I could post the results.

1. Go for a run

If I were well this is the first thing I'd do, just to feel my body and my lungs, to sweat and really exercise!

2. Go out and eat a meal at a restaurant, any kind of yummy food with a glass of red wine.

While I very occasionally do this, I have trouble enjoying it due to sensory overload e.g. noise, florescent lights and POTS - sitting up without my feet elevated causes significant tachycardia, the shakes, lightheadedness etc.

3. Go ice skating or cross country skiing - either. 

I love them both, being out in winter. Enjoy the scenery while you're at it.

4. Go to a play, concert, or sports event with all the stimuli and enjoy it. 

Enjoy it without feeling horrible!!!

5. Play with a young child. 

I've done this since being sick, but it's tough as it causes so many symptoms - dizziness, and of course just the strength and energy required. How amazing would it be to play with a child without M.E. symptoms!!!

6. Work an 8 hour day.  

While I know life in the working world can be really tedious, I would love to be able to work and earn my own living.

7. Swim some distance.  

I miss really swimming in lakes and pools.  Growing up, I was a competitive swimmer on and off. I occasionally get into a lake in the summer and it's about one of my favourite things in the world, but I can no longer really swim.

8. Travel somewhere!

There are so many places I'd love to visit, if I were healthy enough.  As it is, the occasional time I travel, I'm not usually well enough to actual get out and see much.

9. Go for a hike up a big hill or mountain.

10. Do a yard project - rake leaves, mow the lawn, shovel snow, build something, fix something.  

It drives me nuts sometimes not to be able to do these things, and when I occasionally try, I black out, sometimes faint, not to mention the PEM or dealing with severe muscle weakness. (Case in point, trying to put up plastic on my windows and realizing my arms are too weak to hold up the hair drier. Not being able to do small tasks is one of the most infuriating parts of M.E. for me.)

Let me know in the comments below, or an email if you'd like to take one of these on.

While there are a lot of things I can't do, or suffer while doing, I appreciate things in my life.  I know things could be a lot worse.  I want to start the year by acknowledging some of the things that make me feel most blessed:

1. Having a home.  Almost everyday I'm grateful that I have a warm (albeit slightly draughty), comfortable place to live.  While I'm really getting sick of being so poor, thanks to getting on social assistance disability years back, I have enough to live…which I'm also grateful for, almost daily.

2. Being able to read.  If I had the cognitive dysfunction that most with M.E. have, I wouldn't be able to read much.  Reading saves me in so many ways, takes me out of my body and my world and into the stories, lives, and ideas of others (fictional or not).

3. My dog. She's loving, non judgemental company.  And she thinks I'm great!!! Sometimes I feel so worthless and useless.  Who would want to spend time with me?  Teagan always enjoys my company, and demands very little.

4. My friends. I'm surprised given how dysfunctional I am, that anyone has bothered to stick around.  While I wish I had a few more friends in this city (I have one, my housemate), I have some really amazing friends scattered all over. I am so so lucky.

5. Contact with nature.  In some ways, being ill has made me appreciate nature even more.  I am awed all the time by small things I never appreciated as much before.  A bird, a sky, the moon, waves on the lake, snow falling, all kinds of different light through the windows. Now, when I get a chance to 'be out', I feel like my every cell absorbs it because it is so infrequent and precious.