Wow, that was hard.

June was a really tough month.  While the weather has warmed up which means time sitting/resting out on the patio, I had little resilience and a lot of very sick days.

I've just been plain ill.  Same as any time I'm flared, really annoying viral/immune symptoms predominate  (e.g. my axillary lymph nodes have been sore and achy almost the whole month, my throat has been more sore than usual with more swelling and blisters) and the autonomic stuff has also been worse.  In fact, I managed almost a full faint last week (head rush/black-out enough that I fell, after bending over to pull a weed in the garden).

So I've been spending most my time in bed or on the couch.  I'm trying not to feel too down about it, but it's hard.  I just see how the years are going by while I spend them feeling sick, weak and beyond exhausted….not really living much of a life.  And because social (even telephone calls) are so draining, I'm usually alone and sometimes lonely.  This is hard especially because I used to be a pretty social person.  I was never a person who spent much time alone until I got sick.

Still, I have managed to plug away at small tasks the last couple months.  I hung my art show today.  I had a lot of help getting stuff ready, but it did mean a two hour outing so I am completely shattered again for who knows how long? Hopefully days not weeks.

I also managed to work 16 hrs on my PhD in the month of June.  Pretty pathetic, that's an average of 4 hours a week (less than what most working people do in a day).  On the other hand, it's more progress than nothing at all.  And like it or not, most the healthy people in my life seem to judge human worth based on human doing, not human being (hehe).  I felt the same way before I got ill.

Here's hoping July is a better month health-wise.  It wouldn't take much.