With my brother and family visiting I'm pushing it. Meaning, I'm doing way more than usual and the 'consequences' kicked in today. Yesterday they did their own thing and I had a rest day, but the day before I spent 4 hrs out of the house which is WAY more than I've done in a long while. We had lunch at a restaurant then went to a local waterfall and beach. The beach was a good choice because I could sit and lay down. However, it's really impossible for me to just "check out" when I only see my niece and nephew (8yrs and 9yrs old) once and occasionally twice a year. I chose to just push myself and play and visit with them.
Yesterday, my rest day, I didn't feel all that badly and so of course the voice in my head was saying "why do you hold back so much, see you can do things without payback....you're just being too timid". Then today I woke up achy and fluey and exhausted with the heavy/sick chest and a low grade fever (99.5). But today's my day to spend time with them. We are doing an afternoon movie and I feel like hell on wheels. But I'm going to push through again just so I can have that time.
They are here 3 or 4 more days and I really really hope that I don't get worse and worse.
Can I just say that M.E. is an unfair, ridiculous and #$$#%&^^&!! illness to have! And to boot, I don't look sick at all, so I'm sure from the outside it looks like someone who is over dramatic and/or over reacting. Sigh.
It is almost impossible to know the limit of our energy during this (forever) chronic condition. I had friends who disbelieve that I could not manage this situation. The thing is, when I felt tired, it was usually already too late.
ReplyDeleteHope your these coming days are not too bad.
Yup! Everything you said :)
ReplyDeleteIt does suck! I prefer that it's invisible, I don't want to only be seen for it, but sometimes I wish people could see the pain it really causes us, just so people would understand. I hope the visit was worth it though :)
ReplyDeletex Hayley-Eszti