Some Perspective

Warning: I am discussing some stomach issues here which may be a little graphic, so only read if you want to know about my intestinal woes in depth.

It's a tricky thing sharing your life on a public forum.  For the most part, the people who read this blog are fellow sufferers.  However, I also have some friends who read it.  There are things I don't necessarily want to share or disclose partly because it doesn't seem appropriate for one or the other of these audiences.

I've also found that talking about the issues related to family often makes people really uncomfortable.  I wonder if it's because they just don't know what to say?  Or they believe I'm exaggerating somehow there are so many issues?  I think, too, with issues of mental illness which are rampant in my family, people are just afraid.  You know you can't "catch" mental illness by association.

Anyways, I had a decent trip south considering.  I think perspective-wise it was really good for me.  You see my parents are aging and with family mental health stuff to boot, my personal health issues barely make the radar.   Which in this case was good for me.  As I watched one sibling with schizophrenia struggle to deal with the stresses of Christmas it just hit me all the blessings I have despite being sick every day.  I mean it's no party, that's for sure.  However, I just saw how hard this family member was trying to manage and I felt such empathy on the one hand, and gratefulness on the other for my intact mind and lack of confusion about the world in general.

Then I visited one of my brothers and family for a few days.  Despite the fact that I only see my niece (8yrs) and nephew (7yrs) once, or at best, twice a year, I was a complete rock star.  How is it that my niece was so unbelievably excited to have me there?  I mean she'd even bought me presents at a craft sale with her allowance in anticipation?  The three of us laid in the guest bed and played hidden object games on my computer, did art and Lego, I read to them, and we did a little playing outside.  I crashed hard for a few days after, but I loved spending time there.

The travel as always was ridiculously hard, but at least the diarrhea was under control with the antibiotic.  And now that I'm home, I don't feel any worse M.E. wise which is great....although I am very weak and exhausted overall.

OK, so the bad news is that I finished the vancomycin on the 26th of Dec.  The day I flew home (Dec. 31st), infection hit again.  My gut was/is in terrible shape again and some of these recent days I've been in the bathroom at least 10 times a day!  I'm pretty sure it's a recurrence of the c. diff.  So I spent 3 hours at my clinic's walk-in, got another prescription which we later found out needs a new form for funding!  Suffice it to say, I'm so frustrated.  I thought for once I'd managed to find an answer to something (my chronic diarrhea was caused by c. diff) and remove that layer with the antibiotic.

So it's been touch and go.  I've managed to stay hydrated enough not to have to go to emergency.  I'm hoping I can manage the weekend and that next week we can get the drug and I can do another round.  At least today the diarrhea seems to have eased up a bit.  Cross your fingers for me.  One woman at the walk-in said that emergency was so busy (what with influenza going around) that there was standing room only and a 6-8 hr wait.  There is no way I could manage that with the Orthostatic Intollerance and the M.E.