I'll make this short. I have been a poor blogger and blog reader lately. I have been focusing a lot on just managing the pain and my other health issues. I finally got the Vancomycin for the c. diff reinfection. But I convinced my NP to allow me to test for it again first. I don't want to cause any more pain than necessary with the A.F. which is still wrecking havoc on my life.
That being said, other things are going OK. I've been managing an hour or an hour and a half of research and writing in bed most mornings. I'm surprised at how hard it is, but I have been away from anything at all structured for so long. My body, and evidently my brain, are deconditioned. But I think it's been good for me. I feel happier knowing I'm plugging away at something.
I am still extremely fatigued. You know I've had this illness over 10 years and yet at times it still surprises me. I get up from bed and go into the kitchen. I stand in front of the fridge with the fridge open and I'm out of breath, I feel my leg muscles starting to shake, burn. It is so much like when I had mono (the same really). I take a deep breath and it hurts, feels like poison is coursing through my body.
But surprisingly, overall, I am not near as unhappy as I was in December. Those low-light blues have lifted, even if my health issues haven't. My good friend J. sent me a happy light. I turn it on while I work every morning. My housemate comes in and pretends she can't see it's so bright.
I've made no progress on my new years resolution, but there is lots of time. In fact, I may travel to see old friends this week (rather than focusing on attempts to make new ones). At least with old friends I can be honest and they will be fine with me laying in bed most the day. If I do travel, I'm hoping to take some photos to inspire more block prints (art). The big conundrum is, I was in tears of pain much of the afternoon after 15 min of sitting in the car today, so I'm not sure how I can travel 3.5 hrs in a car. I'm hoping there is a way to do it laying down.
thinking of you. sending you all the strength i can through the airways...hang in there and keep plugging away...you are strong in spirit and strong in your heart...so sorry your body will not cooperate. xo h
ReplyDeleteGlad you have been able to do more, upnorth...sure hope you get to travel and see friends...and for sure that infection needs to be gone!
ReplyDeleteI was so impressed with your reading, that's almost a book a week! And you made it thru Marquez 100 Years of Solitude. I did too, but it was a struggle. So great that you are back to your studies. It's so good to identify what activity holds meaning and then get to it at lease a few times a week, even if only for twenty minutes. Then keep a journal, and jot down the day's accomplishment. That helps to lift my spirits. An hour and a half is a nice long chunk of time. That deserve a congrats !!! But doing the 3.5 hours trip with the pain ? I wish you well. Leah
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