While not unexpected, I've been pretty sick this week. Remind me that it was worth going on that trip, OK? I mean it was, but I'm just not feeling it today.
After getting home I was crashed, but not as bad as expected. Then within days I came down with a nasty cold virus. My body did not like this one from the onset and I've had a low grade fever with the cold the whole time.
Today, day 5 of the cold, my fever got to 101 F mid-day (don't ask my why I use Fahrenheit, the only time I think in Fahrenheit is body temp for some reason). Last year around now, I was told to go to emergency if my fever was over 101 due to my neutrophils and white count being low. At last count in May, they were low, but not as low as a year ago.
Luckily, I have managed to bring it down with some tylenol and rest so hopefully I'll be avoiding that place I detest (hospital) for now.
To boot, it's PMS time. I feel like I've been hit with the triple bus: cold, crash and pms. An adequate reward for tying to do something worthwhile I guess.
Oh, and I went for my 4th ever massage this week too (a short one) because my lower back was in such a state I couldn't bend over....at all. Or roll over in bed. Perhaps one shouldn't go from laying in bed for most of a year to camping and canoeing, even if it is very low key?
The massage therapist was amazing. I was worried mostly about the outing, but also the aftermath of the effort. But it was worth it. She said she only did very localized gentle work on me (my lower back was strained enough it actually had a pocket of swelling in it). The next day, while still in pain, it was 50% better.
I'm needing some good vibes and thoughts to kick this cold and just make it through this week!
I'm supposed to see my NP in the morning to make a decision on doing a little part-time work this fall (PhD). I was going to go for it, but at the moment I'm not feeling like doing more than sinking 10ft down and disappearing into the mattress.
Sorry about the cold. Nasty. Hope you are able to visualize and remember the joy and peace you felt out in nature. That is such a big part of you and some day you will have it back....
ReplyDeleteThe trip was worth it - every bit of freedom it brought you - like you said this is to be expected - but sure wish it wasn't - ice ice ice on the back 20 min on and then off esp since swollen - and that cold that is going through the atmosphere seems to be hitting pretty hard - hoping the next few days you begin to feel better and better - sending you continued strength - just remember - extreme self care physically and emotionally - you did an amazing trip - keep remembering that!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you're doubling up on the misery. Ugh. Isn't that always the way? In this game if you want to receive you must give. So sorry.
ReplyDeleteIMO you should really put off the PhD work. But you know my story and the retribution I had to pay. And you know what you had to pay after having a go that one July. Just give it some very serious thought. Your body needs rest and you know it.
I've been yearning a good massage myself lately. My man gives some good ones, but a professional would really do the trick and be quite the treat. I just keep putting it off.
Hopefully we can chat soon. Drink lots of fluids and hug the puppy for me.
best,
jenji
i had countless times been stuck into such mental situation, asking myself again and again if all my intuitive adventures were worth my "price". early this spring, while i just felt better from almost 20 days bedridden i felt so good that i went on a short trip to a lake which is only about 20 minutes drive away. the whole trip was about 3 hours and the "price" was another 20 days bedridden, and i had to cancel my art classes which is my only source of income.
ReplyDeletewell, later i did try very hard to be less risky, but still i often found myself in minor crashes due to over-exercise, or over-work on other things. i asked myself many time, am i stupid? can i learn from my past? the answer i found is that i am not stupid but i cannot learn from my past! i think, unless the condition itself changes in a relative degree, i (along with many similar chronicle patients) will always fall into such mental frustration.