Life is short. It makes sense that we should make the most we can out of the life we have. But how to do this when you live in a sick body? For me, January was just terrible. I think there were two days this past month where I felt ill (in contrast to extremely ill). Despite my philosophy of making the most of this life, treasuring each day, I'm just glad January's over.
Of course that's not to say Feb. will be better, but I can hope can't I?
Rather than making the most of each moment in my life, sometimes (especially during a relapse/crash) I feel like I'm merely enduring. There's very little savouring going on. Lately, I go to bed each night thinking "I hope tomorrow's a better day" and "I'm so glad I made it through this one - I'm so glad today's over". Each hour, each day, is it's own Herculean task.
I have improved a little this week. I'm not spending the whole day in bed. And I'm managing 1-2 hours each morning of study (reading and/or writing for my online course) even if it is being done lying down.
During a relapse, I'm often reminded (and grateful) about the progress I HAVE made over time, partly due to symptoms that reappear - one's I'd forgotten, or put out of my mind. For example, I've been experiencing significant muscle weakness, and after using my arm or leg muscles, tremors and major muscle twitches (brought on, for example, after standing for even a short stint). Sometimes these tremors and twitches show up a day or two after the activity, so it's hard to pinpoint what caused them. Still - very annoying - and a reminder to be thankful for even small progress over time.
I have my painting class tonight - last week I went with a fever and significant weakness; despite the two day after effect I'm still glad I went. It's a body vs. soul thing. Painting feeds my soul....and if I can recover from each class in two days I think it's worth it to keep going.
I feel like you ~ I am so glad that January is over...and hoping that Feb. will bring warmer weather and improvements for us all!
ReplyDeleteSorry you have had to spend so much time in bed..that is so hard, isn't it. I love what you say about painting feeding your soul. We all need that in our lives.
You said, "I feel like I'm merely enduring"
ReplyDeleteI had that very thought this past week!
I actually can't believe January is over. I thought it would never end. And the cold weather is really doing a job on me.
I'm glad the painting class is turning out to be a good thing. I can't wait to see your next pieces of art!
I hope February is better for you ... and for everyone.
I miss reading your posts when you are down under!
BTW, I love, love, love the photo of the week. Beautiful!
It's a constant struggle isn't it, to squeeze something out of what little we have to work with? Sometimes I feel I'm just sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else playing the football match of life. Just to have a few minutes play is so much better than none at all. I'm always amazed by your stamina, though. You just keep going. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteRenee, thanks, yes I hope we both have a better February after a really rough month.
ReplyDeleteDominique, I hope I can "be around" a little more....as I'm sure you know when we're really ill even computer stuff is draining.
Jo - it's so good to have you around again :) My policy has always been to squeeze the most out of what this illness leaves me (without of course incurring a major relapse, that is)....I love the football analogy.
How right you were to feed your soul. I need to do more of that!
ReplyDeleteJanuary is always a tough month after Christmas pushing. I do hate that feeling of just want to get something over...
It's scary how quickly life passes by and it totally freaks me out that I'm not getting much living done. I think it's good to go out to a class. I'm going to try a join a very slow and light yoga course every friday morning. You can pay by the class which is great as I know I won't always be up for it. Maybe after one class I will realize it's too much for me. I do hope not as I'm looking forward to participating in the outside world.
I hope you return to your 'normal' level of illness soon. xx
I hope the class was good again if you managed to go. I agree, two days recovery for something important that makes you feel good is worth it. Hope you get some more stamina back soon, I always feel so sad when I hear about people having relapses... yours seems to be lasting a while. Glad when you wrote this you were seeing a tiny improvement... Sorry I am not dropping by so regularly, I am trying to manage my online time better - ie have less of it! But I will still visit.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the wishes Treya. I hope your yoga class does you well too.
ReplyDeleteashy, I always love reading your comments. I need to manage my online time better too. I find myself lying in bed with the computer as the hours go by.