Anyone with chronic illness can relate to the feeling - that is, "I'm so sick of being sick". I had a goal of trying to pace and rest better through the month of January. I got out the old "activity log" my specialist developed and have been trying to record my activities and rest better. Seeing how little I do in a day has only added to the depression I've been experiencing lately.
For some reason I'm quite depressed. I just can't seem to come to terms right now with how long I've been sick. I feel like my life lacks meaning. Intellectually I realize it could be a lot worse. I know I have things I CAN and should be thankful for. But I've just been laying around feeling sorry for myself. Unfortunately I'm also (for me) fairly wiped so "doing something" to cheer myself up isn't working. Yesterday I went to Staples (my roommate drove) for 10 min but spent the rest the day in bed. So when I "do something" to cheer myself up I'm back in bed feeling sicker which makes me more depressed.
Hopefully I'll find a way to come around. Sorry for such a negative post. It's funny, because I do go through little periods of sadness/depression, but in general I think I'm a pretty positive/optimistic person. I'm not quite sure why I'm in such a slump. Ideas?
Oh, and I listened to a really good talk given by Dr. Stein (a Canadian ME/CFS specialist). You can find it here: http://www.meao.ca/events-past.html
I listened to the audio but downloaded the slides too, so it was almost like being there. I found the talk to be quite interesting. And I get the sense that she actually has ME? but I'm not sure.
Hello
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, please do not apologize sharing your down/depression thoughts and feelings. I think it actually helps some to let it out...kind of a theraputic release.
Second of all, January is a depressing month as it is, and add ME/CFS to the mix and it's almost a given!
Third, I am so sorry you are unable to do more. Going through a relapses is tough. One thing Bruce Campbell teaches is to remind yourself it will not be forever. When I have been bedridden in the past...sometimse for months at a time, I would get so down and feel like it was never going to change. Something that helped was to remind myself that this relapse will not be forever, that there is always hope. Also, I turn to "old friends" ~ books that encourage and inspire me...old movies I enjoy.....friends that will give me a boost....
I am not sure we will ever know all the whys of a time of relapse or a time of feeling down and depressed, and it takes energy to figure it out. Maybe we just need to stop resisting where we find ourselves (easier said than done) and keep reminding ourselves that it will pass.
All my words may be just dust blowing in the wind, but I will add you to my prayer list today.
upnorth -
ReplyDeleteI'm with Renee on everything she said. Thumbs up!
I actually think depression is the body's way of telling us that we are in a bad place physically. I know that when it comes I usually do several things. I talk to my friends. Any of them that will listen! :-) I also write about it. And I try to allow my body the time it needs to go through it.
For me, I try to think of depression as an indicator, if you will, that I need to be more gentle with my self for a little while. Depression has gotten a really bad rap but I really think it is a good thing. It reminds us that things in our body, which is interconnected with our mind and soul, aren't working properly.
Sending you hugs. I hope that your body bounces back and that your inner-self hangs on until it does.
Thanks for the support both of you (Renee and dominique). Hopefully the depression doesn't last long.
ReplyDeleteWhen I go through the depressive bouts (I have CFS) I find that I am mourning the loss of my old life. I am wishing that I could shop, clean, ice skate, go to the gym, work, walk, etc. So I allow myself to mourn this loss. I watch some funny movies and Craig Fergeson on late night TV and I find that I feel better. Sometimes I have to have a good cry first. However, if the feeling lasts a long time, more than several weeks, see a councilor. I've had hard core depression before so I know the warning signs in myself. Occassionally I need meds for it. So far I haven't had to do that for years but once in a while I need a helping hand from chemicals. I also recomend reading Toni's book How to be Sick and Bolen's Close the the Bone.
ReplyDeleteBaffled, Thanks for the comment. I should read Toni's book....I've heard it's helpful. How long have you had M.E./CFS?
ReplyDeleteI think it's impossible to have this illness and not go through down periods. It's so pervasive, and it's so much to adjust to and accept on a regular basis. I tend to dump on my fiance when it gets too overwhelming for me. It's good we all have each other as well. Sometimes it helps just knowing we are not alone.
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