Taking it easy

I've been taking it easy.
Teaching is done (as well as all my grading)
I'm not taking a course right now
I'm not doing any editing.

I don't think my little get-away a couple weeks ago was a good idea.
I don't blame myself for going because other times I've gone and not suffered significant consequences. But I think at this point in time it was too much.

I live with my friend (and cousin) and her husband. He's been away for a week and a half and she works most evenings. I think the time alone (not counting Teagan my dog) has been good. I've been resting lots. During the day I've been letting my cousin do errands for me and really she does almost all the grocery shopping. I hate feeling dependant or like a burden, but the last couple weeks I've been asking for help, accepting help, and feeling grateful for help. My friend has even done my laundry and this morning I went so far as to ask her to fill the dog food container for me rather than lifting the bag myself. A few times when I've had to go out the last week or so, I've asked her to drive me which really seems to help me from crashing as hard from the outing.

I've been feeling fairly sick. I spent the weekend running low-grade fevers (99-100F) and feeling the chest/breathing ache that comes with my sicker days. Interestingly, though, my throat hasn't been too raw. The fatigue is bad, but not severe. (I mean not severe for M.E. - a normal would probably find it pretty severe).

I was trying to walk 1/2 a block again for a while, but mostly I haven't been doing that either. While I think the movement helps, I've had almost a second sense lately that even that amount of exercise isn't the best idea right now - I think even very short walks are making things worse.

I don't know why I'm treating myself with "kid gloves" right now, but I am.
The idea of being "disabled" is really hard for me to get my head around. For some reason I think of myself as sick, rather than "disabled" although the sickness does impose limits on me.

After 8 years of being sick, usually I take the philosophy that I want to do the absolute most I can within the imposed limits. I want to feel as if I'm doing something useful and/or meaningful. For some reason I don't feel that way right now. I just feel like resting, laying in bed, playing online scrabble, reading, napping, and drinking coffee or tea. I have three events/outings I want to do in the next three weeks. I'm going to rest as much as I can before each of them. Otherwise, I think I'm mostly going to stick with being a shut-in. Maybe I can build enough of a reserve of energy to get through the holidays without a crash.