Lovely relaxing Christmas

This photo is one I took early morning on the solstice....we have a lot more snow now.

Wow, what a relaxing Christmas! We went to a candlelight Christmas Eve service. Beginning Christmas eve day it has snowed ALOT here over the last 2 to 3 days. It's still snowing. Even if we wanted to go to town or something today I don't think we could right now - we're pretty snowed in.

Usually, when I'm staying with family over Christmas in southern Ontario there's a lot of going here and there, seeing different people....This is always fun, but also exhausting and challenging when I'm feeling ill (which is much of the time for the last 7 years). I missed seeing family this year, but on the plus side, it was a very relaxing day. It was just Sue, Joe, Teagan (the dog) and I. I crashed mid-day and was feeling quite sick for the rest of the day (as a result of the trip to town Christmas eve plus a walk on the lake) but I didn't have to push myself to do anything. I spent part of the day in bed, and part of the day on the couch. We ate lots of yummy food, unwrapped some presents, visited, and watched the storm outside (snow, ice pellets, and a bit of freezing rain).

Today I'm feeling only a little sick (sore throat with blisters, painful lymph nodes, and a bit of the chest flu ache) but my energy isn't too bad - 5 or 6 out of 10 versus 3 or 4 yesterday. We're cranking up the sauna and otherwise I'll probably just lay around and watch the snow fall.

Quick Hello and Merry Christmas

To all of my friends out there who read this blog and celebrate Christmas - Merry Christmas!

I'm just pulling (hopefully) out of a 10 day crash.
Today I'm feeling a bit better - stronger, less fluey.

I've been trying to rest a lot.

I have a tentative OK on the house - crazy, I might be a home owner...just waiting on one more letter...the closing day is Jan. 7th.

I've been eating wheat for the last 7 weeks on an off. I tried to go back onto the wheat in order to do the test for celiac disease (the enzyme blood test). I have had many terrible episodes (from both ends if you get my drift) since being back on the wheat. Yesterday I finally did the blood test because I just couldn't take the stomach and intestinal distress anymore, especially on top of the crash. I was supposed to eat gluten for at least 2 weeks and as many as 12 weeks.

Whether or not the test turns out positive for celiac disease, I don't care. I've been told I have a wheat allergy so I'm just going to stay off it. Staying off wheat is a lot easier than attempting a gluten free diet and it's worked pretty well for me the last four or five years. If on the off chance the test is positive, I will have to cut out gluten all together.

I haven't been posting much as we've been trying to keep the phone lines open. I hope everyone is relatively well and I'll post an update again soon.

Crash and SAD?

Well I'm in a little crash. Last Wed. and Thurs I went to town (about a 45min trip one way). Sue and Joe did the shuttling (driving) but the two half days in town caused a crash. They were stressful days physically and emotionally. I might be buying a house. Houses in this city are really inexpensive so I figured I might have cheaper "rent" if I bought a house. Since my father offered to pay the down-payment, and my friends offered to help with making the house livable, I thought it was something to consider. To make a long story short, it takes a lot of energy to look at houses, make an offer, get the financing approved (still working on that one) etc. etc. and obviously it was a bit much for my body.

I got in on Thurs night and got a chill. My body was so exhausted, even with layers of clothing and layers of covers it took me at least an hour to stop shaking. My body just wouldn't warm up - I just think my metabolism was past functioning.

Friday I got up and was somewhat crashed, but it wasn't until yesterday that it really hit. Today is Sunday and I'm still feeling quite sick and weak with very painful underarm lymph nodes, sore throat and worst of all - the fluey chest ache that I get where it just hurts to breathe.

Usually I could shake a crash like this off. It's not a really bad crash (like my fellow CFSer Alyson is going through right now), but I think I have a little SAD (seasonal affective disorder) on top of the crash. For me, this is a common occurrence in December. I even struggled with a little SAD prior to getting M.E./cfs. Thankfully, by January I always seem to be able to kick it.

I just hope this crash is short. There are things I want to do this week on Wed., Thurs., and Friday!! Thursday is the local M.E./cfs support group meeting which I haven't made for months either due to being away or being too sick to go. The group hasn't been too successful partly because it's small and several of us often miss due to sickness.

Well that's about it for right now. The lake is now solid enough to walk on which has been fun. I'll post a photo I took on Friday just prior to sunset.

quick update and mourning my friend Ted.....

I've been hesitant to post lately, partly because health-wise, nothing new is going on.

I've had only one terrible afternoon lately (last Friday) where I thought, "I wish someone could put me to sleep to end this misery". If I weren't able to see the big picture, sometimes when I'm in the moment of suffering, it's possible that I might do something drastic. Thankfully, after more than 7 years of being ill, I understand that these moments come and go for me - it's just a matter of waiting them out for the better times.

So I had that one bad afternoon where it just hurt to breathe and my throat was painful and my body achy (like with the flu).....but I did attend a conference that morning - that was probably part of it.

My functioning has been pretty good lately (I can do quite a bit). Still, I have to remind myself to be careful not to overdo it. I'm happy about how well I'm doing overall! I keep reminding myself that I should just enjoy this time - make the most of it!!! Fall has always been my strongest, healthiest season with this illness.....perhaps the good spell will stick around this winter - who knows?

On another very sad note: My friend Ted died a week ago Friday from prostate cancer. We met when we both worked at Outward Bound in the winter program. One winter my friend Suellen and I shared a cabin and some evenings Ted would come by. We'd move piles of clothing and outdoor gear (our cabin was messy) and find ourselves spots to sit. We would visit and sometimes indulge in a little red wine.

After Ted and I both left Outward Bound we stayed in touch. A couple times he drove up from his cabin to visit me when I was all alone and knew almost no one here in Thunder Bay. He always let me stay in his cabin if I wanted to go south but couldn't do the long drive (long is relative).

His prostate cancer returned a couple years ago and he fought it valiantly undergoing many rounds of chemo and some radiation too. We shared some of our experiences of illness (even though they were not the same) and just general friendship. He was a funny, witty, thoughtful, caring man. I feel grateful to have known him. Even near the end when he emailed he always asked how I was which is crazy when he had just been through something like spinal surgery. It's hard for me to fathom what he endured at the end.

He was a good friend
I will miss Ted.

I'm putting a photo of Ted, Suzanne (his wife), me and Suellen here. It's not a great photo of any of us but I wanted to post something.

Returned Home

I'm back home. I'm so happy that I didn't have a major crash the whole trip...I've been back a couple days and also haven't crashed from the travel. I'm tired and I had a little fever last night, but overall my body's managing fabulously. I'd like to take credit for it - but the reality is, I just never know if I'm going to be busy then crash, or be busy and function fine.

Colorado was beautiful. I enjoyed seeing my good friend Jodi - hanging out - as well as meeting some of her friends and getting to know her husband Bill.

Now I'm back to work....the course I'm taking ends this week and I still have some marking to do from the course I taught. Once my final marks are handed in next week, I will truly be done for the semester.

I started the PhD program last June figuring I would "attempt" it without a lot of high hopes or expectations. I've actually been quite surprised at how well I've managed so far. I have received some accommodations (an extension this fall and a flexible schedule during the intensive summer course) but I've already made it through 2 semesters!!!!....To be completely honest, I'm surprised.

Part of me wants to push even harder to see where my limits lie. Perhaps this is unwise, though, as a major crash or relapse is something I DON'T want to trigger.