It's probably not the best idea to try to look too far ahead at this point. Still, after day two of the PhD course I can't help but wonder at the future. In four weeks I'll either have managed it, or not. I'm trying to be positive - using imagery to picture myself having succeeded in completing the four week course.
But after today, I wonder...
It just hit me sitting in class today that this process would be difficult for anyone, let alone someone who's sick and easily fatigued...
I had a kind of epiphany that the amount of time and work involved during this month is a lot and must seem overwhelming, even to a healthy person.
The last hour of class today the waves of illness were washing over me - my chest hurt, lymph nodes in my arms ached, I felt fluey....it was all I could do to not pack up my books and come home....but I stuck it out.
Then I came home.
and collapsed
and thought
What
am
I
doing?
I mean part of me wonders if my lack of stamina is the result of having lived such a low-key life style for the last 5 years - pandering to my illness.
But this is hard
- and despite the fact that I've done almost all the readings,
I still have work to do tonight
but my brain is tired.
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