Breathing Issues and an April Blizzard

It's been a very dull week.

I have had decent mornings followed by terrible afternoons.

I've been mostly house-bound again.

The post-nasal drip has been ridiculous.  I've also been super fatigued - more than usual and I think the two are related.  My chest feels so heavy and sore when I breathe.  I'm not sure what is going on - whether it is related to POTS, whether I have a sinus infection, something in my lungs, or who knows what else?  Allergies?  Asthma?

To be honest, I keep thinking of getting it checked out but I'm just too exhausted to go sit at a walk-in clinic for a couple hours.  Ironic, I know....I guess this is part of being disabled...too sick to access care.  If it gets much worse I'm going to have no choice but to seek some kind of help.

Some mornings I continue to work on relief block printing (art).  I had some inquiries about my work.  People interested in me doing cards and hanging things at galleries.  Also, one woman looking to perhaps buy a piece.  It feels good, like validation that my art isn't completely amateur.  At the same time, I think some people think I just whip this stuff up and it's easy for me.  It takes a lot of work over many sessions and much of what I do isn't fantastic or worth sharing.

That being said, it would be nice to sell a few pieces, just to pay for the paper and ink.

We had a huge blizzard last Friday.  I spent most the day in my lazy 'girl' watching the wind and snow out the front window.  It has been the snowiest coldest April I have ever spent here.  I actually found it kind of fun and exciting that day although I really do want spring.  They say it will reach 15 C this week. I cant wait to at least sit outside.

street view

view from my chair

bedroom window

Music in my Head and the Never ending Winter

OK, lets be clear.  I like winter, yes I do.  Because I was once an active and dare I say (at least physically) adventurous person, I used to love being outdoors in winter.  Dog sledding, cross country skiing, camping.  I loved seeing the imprint of wolf tracks in the snow and the ravens flying overhead. Also the feel of the air, so clean and crisp, and the look of a winter sky, pale blues and purples - or at night the Aurora dancing across the sky.

But this year winter has been long, long, long.  And while I still like the clean look of a fresh coating of snow on my backyard, I'm tired of it.  It's wet and sloppy out there and cold.  It just feels cold.  Every few days it snows again.

Tonight and tomorrow morning we are supposed to get another 10-15 cm. The green and brown patches that are appearing today will be blanketed again.

The backyard on April 15th, and more coming

Health wise I haven't been great.  I had a nine day patch where I was just too sick to leave the house.  Then last weekend I did outings on Sat. and Sun and of course crashed hard Monday and Tuesday.

Maybe this is why I can't wait for spring.  I would love to be able to sit out back and soak in some sun even if I'm too ill for outings.

My PhD is on hold until I get some stuff back from my supervisor.  Basically I've done all the parts I can until something comes back to me.  It means I haven't done any work really for a couple of weeks....which given my health is probably good, although I miss the distraction of having my 'work' to do each morning.

I've been doing lots of art (printmaking) instead (crap art to be honest, but hopefully I'm learning through it).  I'm hoping to get a piece I actually like soon.

The music in my head these days? Les Miserables.  I think I may have actually read the book years ago but I never saw the musical and of course in the last 10 years have been too ill for that kind of outing.

I really wanted to see the movie but wasn't well enough at the time.  That and other stuff got in the way.  But my roommate got the DVD for her birthday and we watched it.  I LOVED the music and cannot get it out of my head! It just keeps going round and round in there - a soundtrack that follows me around constantly lately.  It's funny, I wake up in the morning and right away it's "look down, look down" or "Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men".

 OK, so I'm going out on a limb here because this is a 'safe' and supportive audience on the whole.  Here is a little 3 layer panorama print I've been working on.  Thoughts?  Impressions?  My roommate really likes it, but I'm not sure quite how I feel about it.

It's a virus, no it's M.E., it's a virus, no, it's just M.E. (is M.E. a virus?)

Oh dear me, I do seem to repeat the same questions over and over in my head.
Last night my throat got really sore, worse than usual.  I have a sore throat every night and any time I'm especially crashed or tired....it's just part and parcel to my version of M.E.

In fact, because I am very heavy on the immune side of M.E., sometimes it's two or three days having a cold virus, before I know it's actually not "just M.E.".  The following list is case in point:

Symptoms                   M.E.                 Cold Virus

Sore throat                   yes                    yes
achy/fluey                     yes                    yes
low grade fever             sometimes        sometimes
weak and tired               always             yes
painful lymph nodes      yes                   maybe


Do you see my dilemma?

So I woke up this morning and my throat was a bit better.....I thought, just M.E. but now I'm thinking "maybe it's a cold" again.

Which of course means that in my case at least, M.E. either is a virus, or partly an immune problem.  And even my regular Dr's have said as much with my frequent low white blood count and swollen glands.

Otherwise, I have nothing new to report.  Life itself has been a whirlwind of drama and emotion the last six months.  Not anything I can write about here.  I feel like the worst of that has peaked at least for a while.  My good friend N. came up over Easter weekend and it was my roommate/friend's birthday.  Overall we had a really nice time.  I definitely pushed a little too hard with the visiting and cake baking and fun which I have crashed from (perhaps this explains the viral symptoms).  But it's one of those times where I am quite happy to have overdone it a little.

A couple weeks ago my roommate took me to see "ice out" on the lake.  The funny part is we were too early.  The bay was still frozen solid, someone was even driving on it.  It was a warm day, warm enough for me to relax on an old peer and just soak in the warm sun.


But the ice that had frozen in chunks on the shore was disintegrating, doing what's often called "candling".  It's something you have to see (and feel) to believe.  The ice breaks up in millions of tiny little cylinders.  I'm posting some photos of it.

And also a photo of the dog running wildly on the ice for Je.  You know why :)

my ears help me run faster

Ice out?  I think not!

candling ice, you can see the tiny cylindrical pieces

candling ice

Orange lichen on the old peer and a fish house (for ice fishing)

enjoying the sun